Hujan dan Kertas

lately, i have been struck by this flashing image of me holding a girl's, while she's doing her works from office in a study room, in the middle of the night. crazy thing is that, i'm absolutely sure that it's not a memory of mine, because, well, i haven't own a house yet. crazier thing is, that i don't even have girlfriend. because i'm absolutely sure that i'm holding someone who is important to me in that image. to be honest, it quite makes me wonder what's happening to me. there are several theories which me and my friend (thanks, Zeva!) came up. ok, i'm exaggerating it to sounds like there are a lot of theories. it's only two.

first, is that i'm having this phychic ability, a premonition, or an ability to see future events. that being said, i'm seeing an event, which opens a one of the most important things: that girl is my future girlfriend/wife. but the problem is that i cant really remember her face, even if the images keeps on flashing in my mind. T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

second theory, and it's quite cliche, my friend said that i'm having this underconsciousness when my mind is trying to tell me that i'm LONELY. ha! i told her that i'm not lonely at the moment, and she said it could happen, when you are actually in some kind situations and you consciously deny it. but it's there, and it's really what you feel. and i think she's right. i have to keep the second (of me being loney as the trigger) as another option why i'm having this flashing images.

so, i've been bothered by it and the only way i know how to ease the pressure is to write it. and because i like to write poems, then i wrote it. half an hour ago. dawn (is it dawn already?) is surely a good time to write. :P
i intended to write a sonet, a shakespere-kind-of sonet, but it turns out ugly. and this is what i wrote (and also i would like to say, good night!):

a lit of burning candles light the room
i feel the warmth on the air as i walk in through the wooden door
an echoing sound in my ears, a chant of monsoon
The rain is falling outside the windows; to you it's a joy to cherish for
then the rain stops, darling, after three days of never-ending thoughts
for a brief moment, i could see your shivering shoulders
piles of papers to be done, and tired eyes to be fought
don't you see? the half-moon is on the sky, beautiful as ever
and so do you
suddenly, i couldn't hold longer to just stare
as i walk to, on that chair, i once again know why i am there
i touch your shivering shoulders and kiss your head
then you smile at me, a heavenly smile which bestowed upon you to light your world
on that very moment, i believe you are there just for me
the only bright star on the gloomy hour
but without warning, the moment is slowly fading away
the flashing image of this night begins to blur
all that's left is me staring blankly at the night's sky
a daydream delusion, after all
which strikes me like the furious militias of Rome
which leaves me wondering, what was that? and when was this memory?
but it's not even a memory of mine!
because i don't even know who you are!
who are you?
who are you, O my bright star?
who are you, O the angel from afar?
who are you?


Aji
27 March 2011
3.34 AM

Fallen leaves of autumn, it may swollen by numbers as weeks go by.
No more songs of the nightingales, only mere larks' chirps in the night
Thy songs of desperations, O larks, art those lies? A sublime message of the sky?
I shall believe thy lullaby, for I am in needs of a light.
A beacon on the seashore, for I cannot find a way home. A night's candles which shed a light on a gloomy heart.
A long time have I been trapped in this dark room.
The lark's song, a mere sound I hear, held dearest as if it's the only cure of sad.
O gods of the night, thou shall convey thine enormous words.
Let the sun be arise, let secrets be unspoken!
For I am unmanned, unmended, and unmade of my unsheathed sword.
O gods of the night, let the curse be broken!
For I shall travel far and away to buds of May.
And with empty heart I cannot love nor live, nay!


March 21, 2011
Aji
03.21 AM