Hujan dan Kertas

Suatu dini hari yang telah lalu, saat kelabu yang dalam hitungan hari masih bergantung malas di langit

Suatu ketika ketika semua terlelap dan sayup-sayup panggilan kemenangan memenuhi udara,ketika ilusi pagi dan sang rembulan yang bermain mata bertemu

Saat rongga kosong di ruang dada terbentuk, saat semua napas tercerabut, sekali hentak

Gemuruh petir yang menggelegar berbisik, ratusan bahkan ribuan kali, menahan kelopak mata yang telah lelah untuk tidak terlelap

Dan kemudian, waktu menjadi tiada. Tidak ada kekal atau fana. Tidak ada air mata atau tawa. Waktu menjadi tidak terdefinisikan. Hampa?

"“Ilusi?” tanyaku. “Mimpikah?”

Absurd dalam realita. Benarkah ini realitas? atau sekadar entitas yang bermain-main menjadi Tuhan dan menulis sendiri aturan semesta sekehendaknya?

Karena saat kulihat kembali, saat kutinjau kembali, saat kembali kupahami dengan tulisan-tulisan ‘masa lalu’ dan ‘yang akan datang’, ada ‘saat ini ‘yang menghubungkan. Ada sesuatu yang layak dipertahankan oleh kelam senja dan kelabu malam agar matahari dapat terbit di ufuk timur esok hari.

Dan di esok hari tersebut adalah apa yang menanti, terbingkai dalam satu diorama yang sedari dulu telah menjadi mimpiku. Alasanku.

“Diorama Mimpi, Alasan, dan Tujuan”, mengapa harus kutinggalkan?

Bandung, 8 April 2012

13.53

Ajie

dear ulterior twilight
walking on the midst of haze
tell me something; "what is circumstances?"

for not being exist in this world
you tell me a whole lot of things
it's lack of understanding yet amaze me

and the songs they sing
with every shivering string of guitar
for once just tell ; "who is circumstances?"
for this one last time
dear ulterior twilight

 
19 mei 2009
3:39 am
to whoever you are, thanks

hai gadis yang berada disana,

terbelenggu oleh kerasnya hubungan manusia dan nalarnya

takdir yang seperti ada di depan mata

rasa takut yang tak bisa dihindari, pun tampak tak bisa dihadapi

kekalutan yang bergerak dalam gelap, dalam bayangan yang tak bisa ditepis

hari-hari yang berlalu adalah hari-hari yang tertiup angin waktu

detik-detik yang berlalu adalah detik-detik untuk menunggu

tentang masa depan yang tampak pasti, dan segera hadir

penantian-penantian yang menghapus usaha-usaha manusia-manusia lain yang mencoba datang dan harus pergi karena kekerasan hati

hai gadis, tersenyumlah

karena ketidakpastian adalah hukum tertua di dalam semesta

dan tak ada masa depan yang pasti, tak ada

tak ada takdir yang hanya satu arah untuk dijalani

percayalah bahwa suatu saat akan ada pria berhati baja yang akan datang dan percaya kepadamu

layaknya sang putri yang akhirnya terselamatkan oleh sang pangeran

karena awan kelabu tidak selalu menurunkan tetes hujan

karena terik matahari tak selamanya membakar

dan sebuah isi hati tak selamanya sama

maka, berusahalah untuk percaya

bahwa saat itu akan datang

berdoalah, dan percaya

12.38

August 3rd, 2011

Tell me; can a jester be sad? I feel somehow the jesters are punished to wear the smiling mask and entitled to entertain people everyday. It’s either punishment or just the cruel way to say, “it’s your destiny”. I can’t help but to feel lost on the way to understand the meaning, the metaphor, and especially the irony of being a jester. We are all have our jesters inside each of us, every single one of us. Or at least, I do have it.

Have you ever wondered what’s it like to be a jester consciously? The sole purpose of to entertain, to trick minds, or just to annoy people, to hid feelings deep behind that mask is just scary. Yet, we are all somehow living that life, one way or another. We strive in live for the sole purpose of recognition from others. A good jester is someone who can get applauses after he/she has done the tricks. And so we are.

But do we really know if the jester is smiling too, behind the smiling mask? or it’s just a fake smile to hid the sad face behind? Admit it, we don’t want to see sad faces around us; we’ve got our own problems to feel sad. We need comedians to make us laugh without even knowing if they’re enjoying it, making us laugh. Do they laugh too?

Life is an irony. We see what we want to see, and not what we need to see. Somehow, it’s kind of pathetic. Yes it is. We’re pathetic human beings without knowledge of others’ feelings.

19 July 2011

12.49 AM

Hope is like a balloon which floats away and you are the apple on the top of the tree. That balloon will slowly try to reach the apple – which is you – from the ground to the highest leaf. But only for a moment; it will float away so high while the apple remains the same. Eventually, the balloon will be a small explosion in the sky and there will be nothing left except the lasting tastes of sentiments.

One thing to be questioned is what happened when the balloon was as high as the apple? The answer is nothing happened, only a brief moment of joy; the apple finally found something willingly flew to be the same high and the balloon – which was hope – stupidly thought it got hold of the apple when the truth was it couldn’t stop as it wishes.

This is a tragicomedy. A story which some of us experienced in some way, perhaps more than just being an apple or a balloon. But it is life, when things always don’t turn up as we please.

18 July 2011

1.52 AM

We were two strangers waiting on the bench quietly hoping for something to break the silence.

We were two strangers curiously wanting to know about each other’s name and phone number but too shy to ask anyway.

We were two strangers having the most awkward moment when we shake our hands and pretend we’re ‘okay’.

We were two strangers finally greeted each other and eagerly tell stories about each of us

We were two friends sharing our dreams and hopes and all the plans we have for life.

We were two friends fighting over something silly and afterward laughing about it.

We were two friends and there’s a gap between us without anyone ever realizing about it.

We were two friends having dispute over someone’s stupid actions and seemed to not settle the arguments.

We were two friends strolling the timeline without knowing the cracks were widening.

We were two friends whose arguments started to make us standing in silence.

We were two friends who didn’t speak to each other in a long time.

We were two friends who became loosely related to each other anymore, strangely stared into blank space.

We are two strangers having known for some times then suddenly all of it gone, erased from memory.

We were two strangers waiting on the bench quietly hoping for nothing would be the same.

(Inspired from Wongfu’s “Strangers, Again” and a little bit of reality)

17 July 2011

22.10

if only I could be on top of the mountain

I would scream my hope to the skies and the valleys

to incinerate all the vague thoughts and uncertainties

to widen my shoulders and deepen my breath

because I need those shoulders so I can be relied on

because I want to breath deeper and longer

since every breath I take

is you.

if only I could tell all the stories; of miseries and hopes

I would write the best tragic comedy of love

to dispel all the misty mind and blurry thoughts

to make myself braver, brave enough to speak the truth

because I fear the worst thing to happen

because I fear what may come after

since what I fear the most

is losing you.

 Ajie

15 July 2011

1.19 AM

lately, i have been struck by this flashing image of me holding a girl's, while she's doing her works from office in a study room, in the middle of the night. crazy thing is that, i'm absolutely sure that it's not a memory of mine, because, well, i haven't own a house yet. crazier thing is, that i don't even have girlfriend. because i'm absolutely sure that i'm holding someone who is important to me in that image. to be honest, it quite makes me wonder what's happening to me. there are several theories which me and my friend (thanks, Zeva!) came up. ok, i'm exaggerating it to sounds like there are a lot of theories. it's only two.

first, is that i'm having this phychic ability, a premonition, or an ability to see future events. that being said, i'm seeing an event, which opens a one of the most important things: that girl is my future girlfriend/wife. but the problem is that i cant really remember her face, even if the images keeps on flashing in my mind. T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

second theory, and it's quite cliche, my friend said that i'm having this underconsciousness when my mind is trying to tell me that i'm LONELY. ha! i told her that i'm not lonely at the moment, and she said it could happen, when you are actually in some kind situations and you consciously deny it. but it's there, and it's really what you feel. and i think she's right. i have to keep the second (of me being loney as the trigger) as another option why i'm having this flashing images.

so, i've been bothered by it and the only way i know how to ease the pressure is to write it. and because i like to write poems, then i wrote it. half an hour ago. dawn (is it dawn already?) is surely a good time to write. :P
i intended to write a sonet, a shakespere-kind-of sonet, but it turns out ugly. and this is what i wrote (and also i would like to say, good night!):

a lit of burning candles light the room
i feel the warmth on the air as i walk in through the wooden door
an echoing sound in my ears, a chant of monsoon
The rain is falling outside the windows; to you it's a joy to cherish for
then the rain stops, darling, after three days of never-ending thoughts
for a brief moment, i could see your shivering shoulders
piles of papers to be done, and tired eyes to be fought
don't you see? the half-moon is on the sky, beautiful as ever
and so do you
suddenly, i couldn't hold longer to just stare
as i walk to, on that chair, i once again know why i am there
i touch your shivering shoulders and kiss your head
then you smile at me, a heavenly smile which bestowed upon you to light your world
on that very moment, i believe you are there just for me
the only bright star on the gloomy hour
but without warning, the moment is slowly fading away
the flashing image of this night begins to blur
all that's left is me staring blankly at the night's sky
a daydream delusion, after all
which strikes me like the furious militias of Rome
which leaves me wondering, what was that? and when was this memory?
but it's not even a memory of mine!
because i don't even know who you are!
who are you?
who are you, O my bright star?
who are you, O the angel from afar?
who are you?


Aji
27 March 2011
3.34 AM

Fallen leaves of autumn, it may swollen by numbers as weeks go by.
No more songs of the nightingales, only mere larks' chirps in the night
Thy songs of desperations, O larks, art those lies? A sublime message of the sky?
I shall believe thy lullaby, for I am in needs of a light.
A beacon on the seashore, for I cannot find a way home. A night's candles which shed a light on a gloomy heart.
A long time have I been trapped in this dark room.
The lark's song, a mere sound I hear, held dearest as if it's the only cure of sad.
O gods of the night, thou shall convey thine enormous words.
Let the sun be arise, let secrets be unspoken!
For I am unmanned, unmended, and unmade of my unsheathed sword.
O gods of the night, let the curse be broken!
For I shall travel far and away to buds of May.
And with empty heart I cannot love nor live, nay!


March 21, 2011
Aji
03.21 AM

putri malam, lelah asa menapak senja

mengejar pelangi tanpa kata-kata

bila sang bulan tak mampu membaca

berkata bintang fajar terlalu indah

maka,sudahi saja lari sang dinamika

biarkan bintang tetap melihat di ujung antariksa

dan biarkan hari berlalu mengerjap mata

sehingga engkau tak lagi sendiri dalam malam

karena cahaya sang bintang

akan lama sebelum akhirnya sampai

dan benar-benar menerangi malam

tersadar dan pada saat yang sama

sang bintang telah menjadi supernova

 ajie

bandung, 23 oktober 2010

00.23 WIB

dia tetap akan selalu tersenyum
tersipu dengan sapaan malam
menegasikan dingin hujan menjadi derasnya nyanyian
oh! tatkala andromeda menyembunyikan surga
sudah ku melangkah ribuan cahaya
sudah ku melihat sedari dulu
dan ratapan bumi takkan bisa terdengar hingga galaksi sana
oh, galaksi indah yang berada dalam gelap
yang menghanyutkan asa dan membuai dengan keheningan
kegelapan yang bercahaya, kerling manis para bintang
mengingatkan secercah mimpi yang hilang
oh, bulan yang tersembunyi
tak dapatkah sedikit bahasaku kau mengerti
karena bila bias kata-kata tak luput dari tarian jari,akankah kau mengerti?
oh bulan yang bersembunyi


Aji
Bandung, 20 Oktober 2010
3.05 AM

langit biru, sore ini hujan kembali datang
dengan jutaan tetes kenangan ia menghujam
senja tadi tidak lagi temaram; ada sebuah penyesalan
dan dirimu tidak lagi benderang; hanya kelam
dua ribu kata-kata tak mampu memberikan bahagia
saat bintang senja tetap memberikan sinarnya, engkau menolak
karena persepsimu tak mampu memberikan cahaya yang sama
ketahuilah, tak pernah sedikitpun ia mengharap cahaya
bintang senja takkan jemu dan gusar, walau temaram tetap kelam
begitulah adanya; hanya pendar tulus
dan itu aku

malam biru, biarkan aku merindu!
walau luka terperi adalah obat jitu
satu sudut di langit itu adalah dirimu
tak mungkin untuk bulan sekalipun mengganggu
satu sudut dari luasnya alam semesta
sebuah cerita dari putaran roda dunia
akan selalu ada, tak peduli waktu dan ruang
maka percayalah, pendar itu tetap akan disana
menemani udara malam tanpa pernah berkata-kata
biarkan saja, diriku dan dirimu
saling menyapa sekejap untuk kemudian berpisah alur waktu
siang, dan malam
karena itu malam biru
biarkan aku merindu!

aji
9 Oktober 2010
3:45 am

gadis jeruk, waktu telah menjawab
begitu banyak pertanyaan tentang fana dan impian
mengajarkan akan arti setia
layaknya bumi yang selalu berputar
layaknya sinar matahari di kala pagi
layaknya bulan dan bintang yang bersinar
seperti malam ini
yang akan selalu terulang, walau terkadang badai datang
mungkin fajar nanti membawa kabut tebal
dan sang putri malam hanya bisa mengintip dari balik awan
namun ketahuilah, ia selalu melihat bumi seperti itu
selama jutaan tahun yang berlalu
maka begitu pula diriku dan dirimu

gadis jeruk, malam ini akan usai
mentari telah beranjak
dan percakapan kita akah berakhir
ku akui satu hal, embun pagi ada di mataku
karena bulir-bulir air lembut itu telah lama hilang
dan yang tersisa hanya sebuah lilin hijau yang menyala
yang telah menyala selama 5 tahun putaran semesta
malam ini akan segera habis; api yang dihembus angin pun tergetar
tetapi, ruang yang telah tercipta akan selalu ada
dan mungkin suatu saat tetesan air akan kembali memenuhi dahaga
lima dinamika manusia
dan jalan setapak yang telah dilalui
suatu saat mungkin akan kembali
hanya, mungkin.

gadis jeruk, telah habis waktuku bercerita
bab terakhir dari coretan-coretanku
yang telah kutulis selama empat tarian bintang
harapanku hanya satu; untuk kau mengerti
apa keinginanmu dan tujuanku
karena kita telah beranjak dewasa
dan memilih jalan setapak yang kita jejak
dan berjalan di malam sepi
hingga saatnya nanti, suatu hari
bulan dan bintang kembali menemani malam
saat kabut perlahan pergi


*saat berjalan bersama bukan lagi jawaban, berjalan pergi adalah pilihan

 Ajie
9 Oktober 2010
5am

let asleep dear fairy
thy shoulders begin to weary
the precious light, the moon
high on the sky she waits dawn
the nightbugs, the dances they do
mesmerize the lofty night's surrounds
hear the owl sings, a lullaby
a tale of life and bravery

close thy eyes, let asleep dear fairy
thy wings are broken for now
rest awhile, thou shall fly tomorrow
once again, embrace breezing winds

so let asleep dear fairy
nightwatch shall be mine
reast assured and feel no weary
upon thy peaceful smile
the lofty night shall remains
the bright yellow, the sun
shall greet a shiny sunrise
while thou, dear fairy, awakened at dawn


 ajie 
October 4th, 2010
02.28 Am

hello february i miss your bright sanctuary
greenish yards and blooming roses
cocoons are empty; butterflies have left their hideouts
and they're dancing beautifully
and birds are singing, as warm yellow slowly lighten the athmosphere
band of horses triumph on the horizon
and melting ice is being a rivers of flowing fresh water

i'm always attached to february
its morning leaves a deep trace somehow, always
like eagles which always go back to its nest after a day's hunting
wherever they may go
it's like footsteps to home
calming, yet astonishing
and there's always a warm feeling
during february
perhaps, it is home
perhaps, i'm already home.


ajie
October 2, 2010
9.56 AM

thou whose story i shall remember

will you ever be cured from all those bittersweets?

like reddish orange sunrise, perfectly awaken from night

a bright morrow, that is

grasp thy air-bubbles

wield thy red vest

and sharpen thy pointed-glasses

a hope clings now, there is

shaken, and yet to bloom

like a fluttering hackney carriage

ever since the horse broke free

let it open, unlock thy red-brick door

and i will offer the four season day

Ajie

September 29, 2010

1:32 AM

turn away and go blind

polluted by past occurences

and headache distorting my mind

i shall seek no further, i shall forget every experiences

the clear blue sky still here

chapters of the book i feel

shall be re-written under its dusky pages

and forever shall remain, encrypted caligraphy of the neverland’s sunset

 ajie

June 25, 2010

2.07 AM

can we actually really hate each other without any compassion?

since there’s killing everyday, hatred spread everwhere, so i simply ask.

even if we are the endanger species (like what some scientists believe, “no aliens!”).

so is it pointless to reach a peace? oh i’m sorry, people hate that word.

“peace’s only for weaklings!”, or perhaps “we want peace, but they started first!”

hating and blaming and hardening self position and ignore negosiation,

to what extend?

then perhaps, it should have been no “we”, just me, you, or them.

can we actually shake hands without fake intention?

to make the world a less dangerous one for our children, if not for ours.

or has our anger taken away our love for the little ones?

perhaps what’s wrong is not in our heart.

perhaps, it’s only our ego that stops us from seeing each other’s heart.

oh, too many perhaps, and the clock’s still ticking

and there are still people dies.

hunger, refugees, environmental problems, trafficking, health.

so many problems for mankind, yet here we are, arguing about which one’s the best.

what’s the point of being the best, if there’s no more life to live?

can we actually see others and say,

“you are my friend, whoever you are, wherever you come from, whatever religion you believe.”

“because after all, we’re still humans with hearts inside us.”

 ajie 

June 24th, 2010

3.42 AM

with her by my side

i shall dance until there’s no fight

and the world shall be in peace

merry in joyfulness, cherishes the bliss

with her walks beside me

green grasses shall bloom the flowers

shadowy night sky shall be full of stars!

and we could walk on the romantic charles bridge

at night

with her in my mind

there are oceans so far away to stare

there’s a longing for the journey ahead

and it will be here, stays for minutes to fade into ageless circle

until there’s no more distance, only heart to remember

 ajie

June 23, 2010

0:57

and this life is mere a sojourn place

of deep breath and devious races

we shall dance to this chance

take me by surprise!!

hear those siren of ambulance ring

please damage no more, for i shall not sink

tear falls down inside, unable to think

but wail no misery, for only this time we sing

and contradict the verses, O mankind

be merry

be happy

be full in life

as time keeps on going

and we keeps on aging

delight the present, the “in between”

for this is where we live

 ajie 

May 18th, 2010

01.36